I was going to wax poetic and weave Harry and Sally into the mix and talk about a friend and the issues he is having, but I don't think that is necessary. Call me Harry on this one, but no, men and women can't just be friends. There are too many things to get in the way.
It is funny to see me write this, since I have guy friends and have never really agreed with this opinion. However, the more I think I about it, the more I think that Harry--in a crude way--is right. The “sex thing” does get in the way. Women will say, 'but I have this friend and there have never been any feelings involved.” Really, have you checked with him lately? And let's be honest, we all have dated someone who was once "just a friend." In college there was Matt, who I hated at first (he was a self-absorbed, egomaniac), became his best friend and then fell for him hard. It was better that way. We were already close and the dating just accentuated a good thing.
And if there is no “sex thing” involved--if there is no attraction to one another at all--see what happens when one of you is in a relationship. The friendship alters. It just happens.
Men and women can be friends (for awhile), but the friendship is not the same. You can get advice from a guy about men in general, but usually they offer you such nuggets as "Men are assholes. You know that. We’re friends." Or, they will wonder why you are complaining about something the same guy has does to you for the millionth time. It goes the same for guys; women friends will offer you way more advice about a situation than you will ever want. They will want you to consider motivations and feelings and not whether she is a hot piece of ass.
The middle ground is realizing that there will be limitations to the friendship and that life events may permanently alter it. Harry and Sally may be happily married now, but it was a rough road to get there.
3 comments:
You're right - men and women, with very limited exceptions, cannot be 'just friends'.
Sure, they can emulate the concept, but deep down someone always has some feelings, some attraction -- some something that will eventually poke it's ugly little head out of the dirt and hurt some feelings.
While I definitely agree that when one of your guy friends gets married, things sometimes change, I still believe that I am exception to this rule. I have to male friends who are like brothers and there is no sex thing and never has been between us. Really. And I once went to a wedding with a female best "man".
I think its more about how you define friendship.
- someone whom you have developed a bond with someone that exists outside of normal paramaters. It does not have to be cultivated or worked at. A friend never goes away no matter how much the relationship changes. They are always just a phone call away. -
If that is the case then men a woman can be friends because friendship allows for one or the other to move on and still be part of that persons life regardless of where they are or what they have become.
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