A friend of mine emailed me today and asked me if I was familiar with "Avenue Q." She thought that "A Fine, Fine Line" perfectly described my recent dating debacle. I concurred, as I had made that discovery months ago. (Though, I always thought that Ani had a few things to say about the situation as well). Without wasting everyone's time with drama details, I'll give you Kate Monster's synopsis of my last few months:
"There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.
And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time."
Sad, but true. And so I closed the door on that chapter of my life, because it was the right thing to do. I deserve a lot more than I have gotten, especially since most of it has been grief and some pretty nasty words. And people thought that I might waiver, but I haven’t and I won’t. There is no looking back. (Think Bye Bye Love…Jo Dee Messina-style). I don’t want to.
Right now there is a window opening (sorry for the Sound of Music reference, but it was right there for the taking) and it is refreshing. It is the slow unfolding of possibilities that is so enthralling. The stage that takes you back to every playground crush you ever had. The something to look forward to...I don't know what it is, but it is fun and there hasn't been a lot of that lately. I almost feel as if the drama and the messiness were necessary to make it so easy to see the good when it was right in front of me. And that is all I am going to say for now, because there are some things that I like to keep to myself.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
Women's Lib Ruined it for Them?
I should start by saying that I was at a family party in which I kept having to walk away -- for fear of getting in trouble. While I love my family, they are not always the most open-minded, accepting family. In fact, sometimes, they are downright judgmental and somewhat rude. I was raised (thankfully) to accept everyone. To not think about racial or religious divides. I was also raised to believe that I could accomplish anything. (Part of me still believes that I will be an astronaut / dolphin-trainer / President of the United States). In that vein, I have become a strong-willed, opinionated (sometimes too), independent woman, who is capable of lots and who will stand up and speak against injustices -- which, at family parties, tends to get me in trouble. Here is a sample of yesterday's fun:
1) My aunt, who had knee surgery and shouldn't be walking around a ton and sure as heck should not be going up and down stairs like she does, was having a bad knee day. I blame it on the fact that she is a wonderful Italian woman and a caretaker to all...except herself. Anyway, when my mom and I got to the party, she was sitting on the stairs because she couldn't move. As my mom and I were helping her to a chair in which she could put her knee up, someone asked, "What's wrong with her?" Okay, I should say that the someone is a nice person (somewhere in there), but a bit on the crazy side and just a tad annoying. I weeble wobble between getting annoyed by said person or feeling bad for said person. Anyway, I turned around and said, "She had knee surgery. It takes awhile to recover from and she probably shouldn't be putting as much strain on it as she does."
2) Within 2 minutes of this moment said person's horribly ignorant (women in the kitchen / teachers get paid too much for having summer's off...)husband asked my aunt where she (emphasis on that word) was going to put all the drinks he had in his hand. To which I said, "How about you put them in those things that look like coolers."
Strike 2 and I had been there for 5 minutes.
I endured the good natured ribbing about the Cubs. They think that it is hilarious that I am a fan and I that I live in Wrigleyville. (Mind you, they are fans too, but fair-weathered).
3) Then came the ridiculous Women's Lib incident. We were in the kitchen. I was trying to get my aunt to sit and direct us, but she was of course in the midst of doing everything for everyone one. Someone made some snide comment about women which was followed up by this gem, "Women's Lib ruined it for all of them." Spoken by the ignorant husband from earlier. And then came me. With this: "Hmm. Pretty sure that I have a good career, great apartment, wonderful friends and a good life and I am pretty sure that you had nothing to do with it." Exit stage left or back outside to cool off for a bit.
Won't even get into my cousin and his electronic snobbery. Apparently buy brands based on who you see in the store buying them. You get what you pay for was another gem. True and yet why does a freshman in college need a 20 inch flat screen fancy TV. It is college. It may get ruined. Hell, I was at a party last year in which a TV had an unfortunate accident. You never know.
There was also the genius that this was a family gathering the day after my aunt's birthday and no one thought to get her a cake. Well, actually, some thought she didn't need it (who doesn't need a birthday cake?), some thought that others had taken care of it and some just didn't think. It resulted in my cousin with a big heart running out to get a cake on behalf of everyone. And let me tell you, she loved it. It is not that hard to do a nice thing for someone you love.
On the way home, my mom told me that she loves that I am well spoken and intelligent and that sometimes she wishes I would just keep it to myself. I asked her if she really wanted me to leave the "women's lib" thing alone and she said, "of course not, that was ridiculous."
And that's my point.
1) My aunt, who had knee surgery and shouldn't be walking around a ton and sure as heck should not be going up and down stairs like she does, was having a bad knee day. I blame it on the fact that she is a wonderful Italian woman and a caretaker to all...except herself. Anyway, when my mom and I got to the party, she was sitting on the stairs because she couldn't move. As my mom and I were helping her to a chair in which she could put her knee up, someone asked, "What's wrong with her?" Okay, I should say that the someone is a nice person (somewhere in there), but a bit on the crazy side and just a tad annoying. I weeble wobble between getting annoyed by said person or feeling bad for said person. Anyway, I turned around and said, "She had knee surgery. It takes awhile to recover from and she probably shouldn't be putting as much strain on it as she does."
2) Within 2 minutes of this moment said person's horribly ignorant (women in the kitchen / teachers get paid too much for having summer's off...)husband asked my aunt where she (emphasis on that word) was going to put all the drinks he had in his hand. To which I said, "How about you put them in those things that look like coolers."
Strike 2 and I had been there for 5 minutes.
I endured the good natured ribbing about the Cubs. They think that it is hilarious that I am a fan and I that I live in Wrigleyville. (Mind you, they are fans too, but fair-weathered).
3) Then came the ridiculous Women's Lib incident. We were in the kitchen. I was trying to get my aunt to sit and direct us, but she was of course in the midst of doing everything for everyone one. Someone made some snide comment about women which was followed up by this gem, "Women's Lib ruined it for all of them." Spoken by the ignorant husband from earlier. And then came me. With this: "Hmm. Pretty sure that I have a good career, great apartment, wonderful friends and a good life and I am pretty sure that you had nothing to do with it." Exit stage left or back outside to cool off for a bit.
Won't even get into my cousin and his electronic snobbery. Apparently buy brands based on who you see in the store buying them. You get what you pay for was another gem. True and yet why does a freshman in college need a 20 inch flat screen fancy TV. It is college. It may get ruined. Hell, I was at a party last year in which a TV had an unfortunate accident. You never know.
There was also the genius that this was a family gathering the day after my aunt's birthday and no one thought to get her a cake. Well, actually, some thought she didn't need it (who doesn't need a birthday cake?), some thought that others had taken care of it and some just didn't think. It resulted in my cousin with a big heart running out to get a cake on behalf of everyone. And let me tell you, she loved it. It is not that hard to do a nice thing for someone you love.
On the way home, my mom told me that she loves that I am well spoken and intelligent and that sometimes she wishes I would just keep it to myself. I asked her if she really wanted me to leave the "women's lib" thing alone and she said, "of course not, that was ridiculous."
And that's my point.
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