Putting Myself Out There

There is this guy that I have liked for awhile. Dare I say, I have had a bit of a crush on him for years. Why, you ask, have I had a thing for someone for years and not done anything about it? Well, that's my MO. I crush from afar. It is easier to carry a little torch for someone than to actually put your self out there and into the pursuit. It's safer.

I like to think that I am bold and brave, but really, I am a coward. I don't like the idea of rejection. I flirt, but I don't really put myself out there. Really out there. Instead, I put on a bravado, smack talk a bit, become the sassy girl that calls it like she's sees it and stay safely hidden in my shell. And I wonder why my girlfriends get dates--even the crazy ones, while I am left drinking beer with the boys.

What I don't know how to do is fix it. How do you come out from behind the shell and fearlessly flirt? Without alcohol...(anyone can fearlessly flirt with alcohol...when in doubt, you trump the "drunk idiot" card, thereby excusing any rejection you may have received.) How come some girls (even the crazy, scary ones) can attract a guy every time and maintain his interest?

I usually attract the guy (though often, I am too clueless to realize it), but then I put on my strong face and the next thing I know, said guy is searching for tipsy bimbo. My friend advised me once to trump the bimbo card -- it works, but I don't want to get the guy that way. I don't want to force myself to be something I am not. So, how do I maintain myself, my opinions and my being, without turning into the scary, fem-nazi girl that intimidates guys? Is there a balance? Are there guys out there that want the pretty, smart, feisty, intriguing, fun-loving, slightly-flawed girl? That's a silly question. I know that there are...I just need to figure out how to approach them...

Seriously Long Overdue

I'm back. I won't say better than ever, but I am back. I am sorry that there has been such a dry spell. It is weird though. The holidays got so busy and messy that I didn't have time to write. And then, my blog became the person I never called. You know, the one you meant to call, but didn't and then too much time elapses and you are too embarrassed to call -- even though you want to...and so you hide a bit and hope the person doesn't recognize you on the street.

So many times, I thought of things to say, but then I thought, how can I post now? No one is reading anymore. My blog-junkie friends have stopped nagging me about posting. They have given up on me. I would have too.

So, here we are...2 months and 7 days later...I am going to wipe the slate clean and begin writing again. Mostly, because I miss it. I miss this avenue of communication, even if it is only with myself.

So, I am back. I'm sorry I stayed away for so long. I am going to try and be more reliable.