It's Heart Day, Chicago is covered with a blanket of snow (while more continues to fall) and the Cubs pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training today. I just came back from dinner and drinks with friends and all should be right with my world. And yet, I feel like something is missing.
People will say that I am feeling pressured by the commercialism of Valentine's Day and the lack of one is depressing me, but it's not that. In my 30 years, I have had an actual Valentine once. (Of course, I am not counting the heart-shaped candy box my Dad used to bring me every year when I was a little girl, cards my students gave me or anything a relative mailed me.) Still, I have always liked the holiday.
The doldrums are from a mind that thinks too much and a heart that trusts too much. Part of me will forever be grateful that I lead with my heart, even when my head is a jumbled mess of confusion. Then again, part of me wishes that I didn't always trust people to be true to their word.
I know that it is a lot to ask, but sometimes I wish that people would just be honest. That they would say what they thought. Mean what they say. Be who they are.
The ambiguity of life and relationships is frustrating. On a day that blanketed the city that I love with my favorite thing - snow - I should be feeling only joy. And yet, I am sitting here (actually reclining in bed) wondering what happened? How did my life (once again) turn on a dime?
It is a question that I cannot answer no matter how much I wish that I could. So instead, I am going to focus on the things that are right in my life. I am healthy (though I could probably eat better) and I am rich with friends and family that make even the confusing times great. Because, while I rang in VD with a screaming orgasm (the shot) and a few of my also confused and slightly reflective friends, I wasn't alone. I spent the evening enjoying myself and the company I was keeping.
And then, I went outside with my favorite partner-in-crime and made snow angels. And really, no matter how bummed you are about any situation, laying down in fresh snow to make a snow angel seems to make everything right. At least until your butt starts to freeze a bit.
On that note, sorry for the introspection and reflection. May this day bring you whatever you seek and may you find yourself making snow angels in the snow. Because it is the simple things that make waking up each day worth it all.
Happy Valentine's Day!
1 comment:
Happy V-Day to someone that makes me appreciate it more.
Cliche as it sounds, there's really no way your heart isn't in store for some magic.
Keep the faith!
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