2006 has been abundant with guy drama for me. It started on New Year's Eve and has gotten progressively worse. My problem is that I see the good in a guy, even if they are not always good. (That has been my flaw since freshman year of college). I think that the past 6 months of misadventures might been a season's worth of Sex in the City. (Minus all the randy behavior).
I keep finding myself in situations in which I like a guy and then the quiet shy girl in me from grade school rears her ugly head. And my friends all read this and are wondering how in the hell I am quiet and shy, but when it comes to guys, I am. And when I am shy (and especially when I like someone), I get nervous and with nervous comes the false bravado that is intimidating and off-putting. It is my defense mechanism and it sucks sometimes. I end up watching the guy like someone else, because I was scary girl.
And before Tom reads this and yells at me for being all mopey, let me say this: I am in the Summer of the Year I turn 30 and I like my life. I am happy and content with my job and friends. I love my family. I am blessed with good health and I have a lot going for me. But, to wax Little Mermaid, I want more.
I want to like a guy that sees me and not my friend. (And better yet, sees me as more than a friend, since I get stuck in that category a lot). I want him to recognize that I am smart, kind, witty, stubborn, lovable, loving, compassionate, funny, serious, joyful, sad, honest, a sports addict, a movie lover, a good cook, a good friend and a good partner. I want him to see me as the piece that completes him. I want the courage to approach him and not be scared.
I am tired of the bs and the games. I am done with coy. I know that everyone that has someone says that when you find it, it all falls into place. There are no rules regarding days until you call someone. There isn't a specific first date protocol. There is no worry if he is really into you. It all comes together. The two become a whole. I believe that. I really do. Everyone thinks that I am jaded, but really I am quite the opposite. I really believe that I will find that person that (sorry for the second Jerry McGuire moment in as many paragraphs) completes me. I just wish I knew when. I really just wish it were sooner rather than later.
See, the thing is, while I like my independence, I wish that I had someone to depend on...other than my family and friends. Yesterday, when my car was dead, I had to think of how to get it started and to the mechanic. Two weeks ago, when I saw the mouse, I had to buy and set the traps. And no, I don't want a guy to do all the dirty work, but it would be nice to feel like I had someone to count on in that way. Someone who would problem solve for me every now and again. Someone who would say: "Don't stress D, I know you can handle it, but for once, let me help you. I'll take care of it." Someone who makes a really bad situation better and not worse. I guess, I really am just looking for someone who wants to be with me, flaws and all, and really wants to be there.
2 comments:
Well, well said. And you are attractive--which you know--and deserve all of those things that you want. But don't sell yourself short because some shallow bar guy can't get past thinking he deserves a super model type.
As for having them not see you just as a friend, I think we have to sending the friend vibe. I'll let you know if I figure this one out!
It reminds me of the quote from Friends. It was a conversation between Joey and Ross re: Rachel. Joey cautioned Ross about the FRIEND ZONE.
JOEY: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.
ROSS: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.
JOEY: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
Pretty sure I'm in the same zone. And yes, if anyone figures that one out, clue me in =0)
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