The Gambler

"You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run...Kenny Rogers"

Why did it take me a decade of dating to figure out that this had absolutely everything to do with my dating life? (Actually, it has everything to do with dating in general). So many of my past relationships involved seeing the good in something or someone -- even when, at times, it was not there. There have been some extremely wonderful relationships that have taught me a lot about love and about myself and then there have been those that were such a mess. Those relationships where I thought another coin in the slot would hit the jackpot and instead, I ended up broke.

My New Decade Resolution is to know when to hold 'em. I promise to know a good thing when I see it and to not be afraid to try. Know when to fold 'em. I promise to stop trying to hold onto something that is the dating equivalent of a 7 & 8 in the hole. I will stop thinking that the river will turn up a better card, because 9 times out of 10, the river is going to screw you. Know when to walk away. I promise to recognize when it is time to throw in the towel and let something go. To stop trying to make a bad situation better. To stop trying to fix things all the time. To stop losing myself and fading into a facade in the interest of keeping something alive that has been in code blue for way too long. And, when all else fails, to know when to run. As fast as I can. In the other direction. With an umbrella - if necessary.

Now, I don't kid myself. There is a decade of hurt that holds up this epiphany and one moment of clarity is not going to make it all better. However, I am going to try and make better decisions. Be more open. Put myself out there. Be less intimidating and (yes, j, I admit that I can be) cynical. Because I am the girl that believes in the glass slipper, the horse drawn carriage, the prince and true love. I just need to believe in myself now.