Wake Up In The Morning, Feeling Shy and Lonely...

My best friend and I were talking tonight about all the crazy things in our lives. What I love about her is that she knows all my crazy stories and still calls me on a regular basis. It is a rare thing to have in life.

Kel and I have known each other since we were 14. She was there for all the bad high school hair-dos, crushes and drama. She has been an honorary sister to me (and daughter to my parents) since she played Beck in her bedroom and got kicked out of her house. She has gotten me through dating dry-spells, confusing guy situations and more than a few bad break-ups. As for me, I took her in after my 18th birthday (and after her parents had asked her to leave); I helped her packed her things as she set off to college in Davenport; I took her to Willow on Wagner for her 20th birthday and got her really drunk--fortuitous, since on her 21st birthday, she was pregnant with her daughter Maddie; I was there for her wedding (and sadly, her divorce). We share a love of the Cubs, Bears, U2, beers, corny 80s movies (Jake Ryan) and corny Junior High dramas like "Degrassi Junior High."

It was in the midst of us trying to talk out the most recent crisis to cross our paths when she said the following: "Side note -- do you have the Noggin channel?" That in and of itself was kind of strange. I told her that I did and she mentioned Degrassi Junior High was on it. I knew this. I had (I admit this is sad) seen some of the new episodes -- the ones where Snake is principle and Emma (Spike's daughter) is in Junior High. Oh, but there is so much more she said. They play the old ones. The ones that we used to watch. Really? Yep. She has them set to Tivo. And so with that, I went to Tivo and ordered a Season's Pass for Degrassi Junior High. I had instant gratification, since they have aired 2 episodes in the last 24 hours. You may think this is silly of me, but I learned about life from Degrassi.

Saved By the Bell was the fluff (well, except for the "Just Say No" episode and the one where Jesse "I'm So Excited" Spano is addicted to caffeine pills), Degrassi tackled the big issues. They talked about pregnancy and racism and drugs and friendships and sex and all the things that we faced when we were younger. I grew up with the kids in Degrassi. I wonder where they are now?!?

Toys 'R' Us Kid

I was thinking the other day about how I am 29 years old. 29. When I was a little girl, 23 was old and 29 was downright over-the-hill. Of course, I always thought, that by now I would have so much more than I do. I don’t mean things…cars, houses, TVs…a savings account. I mean, I thought that I would have so much more knowledge of life, happiness and love; I thought that I would have a partner and maybe even a child. Really, I thought that I would feel differently than I do. I still feel timid and confused and shy and unsure. I still hear someone compliment me and want to refute it. I have a hard time seeing myself the way that others see me. I look at 17 year olds and I think that they are so much more together than I am…

This makes me wonder. When do I start to feel like it is all coming together? I believe that the partner will eventually cross my path. (I believe that I will know it when I see it. He will be the guy that cherishes me and challenges me.) I want to know when I start to feel like a grown-up? I started making a list of things that seemed grown-up and responsible to me. I asked friends to add their thoughts. Here is a partial list…I am hoping that people will chime in with more thoughts…

1. Starting a Savings Account.
2. Getting your first manicure / pedicure.
3. Buying your first suit.
4. Getting a passport.
5. Balancing your checkbook.
6. Buying a piece of furniture that you don’t have to assemble.
7. Hiring movers.
8. Buying a bottle of wine (or several) with dinner.
9. Picking up the tab on a meal with friends.
10. Having an apartment (not a studio) and no roommates.
11. Taking a vacation for no reason.
12. Buying a box of condoms on your own.
13. Taking a class just to learn something new.
14. Getting rid of your twin bed.
15. Having a party without a keg.
16. Throwing your first dinner party.
17. Going out for one and having it be only one.
18. Having a date pick you up for dinner and a movie.
19. Having a 401(k) and buying stock separate from your 401(k).
20. Having a rainy day fund.
21. Managing a budget.
22. Buying a nice piece of jewelry for yourself. (i.e. diamond earrings)
23. Standing up for something you believe in.
24. Finding the friend that knows all your skeletons.
25. Taking a leap of faith in love.

How to Seduce a Woman in Five Songs or Less

Talking about songs led to the inevitable conversation about 'seduction' songs and the best songs for it. It was decided that rather than overt sexuality, seduction music should be sensual--a kiss that lightly brushes your lips. Like any good orchestration, it should start out slowly and crescendo...

Sweet Jane (Cowboy Junkies -- Natural Born Killers Intro)
Fade Into You (Mazzy Star)
As Long As You’re Mine* (Wicked)
Possession (Sarah McLachlan)
Release (Pearl Jam)

*It is the urgency that makes this song good, but it needs to be stripped of the orchestra / stage feel and instead was accompanied by simple instruments.

Side Note: I kept thinking that there was a seductive Dave Matthews song (which seemed to be completely oxy-moronic). I knew it wasn’t Crash, because that was a bit blatant. Natalie thought I was crazy. I remembered it this morning: “Lover Lay Down.” Now, if we could just get Bono to sing it….

I went in seeking clarity.

It was a pretty slow night for a Monday at the local tavern. Aside from my friend, Natalie, there was a drunken Englishman and a bunch of strange faces. In order to entertain ourselves, we started talking about songs and what are favorite songs would be. We tasked ourselves with identifying our 5 favorite songs of all time.

Of course, as we were writing, we added stipulations, such as "...these are really the songs that speak to me now, not necessarily my all-time favorite." and "...I love these songs, but there are more that I would add...” And so, we came up with 5 songs that are important to us for whatever reason.

My 5 Songs

With or Without You (U2): Aside from being U2, this song has always been haunting and hopeful to me. It is in my will (a paper that I wrote and gave to my mom, before I had surgery) that it will be played at my funeral.

Romeo and Juliet (Dire Straits): I like the Indigo Girls version of this as well, but there is something matter-of-fact about Dire Straits' version. It tells the story in a "looking back with regret" way.

Joking (Indigo Girls): Most Indigo Girls' songs tell a great story. I love this song for the following lines: "...you said good friends are hard to come by i laughed and bought you a beer 'cause it's too corny to cry..."

Out to Get You (James): I can't explain this song. It is insecurity and a fear of being lonely and the search for you.

Leaving on a Jet Plane (Peter, Paul and Mary): My dad wants to be rolled out of the church to this song. It came out the year my parents met and has always been a part of their life. As a kid, we were forced to go to PP&M concerts every summer at Ravinia. It grows on you.

Pin Me, please

There was this article in the Red Eye today about a guy wanting to go back to 1950s-style dating. He talked about the simplicity of it all. There was no gray area between dating and non-dating. There were no friends with benefits, booty calls, drunk-dials and the term seeing each other referred only to actually having someone in view. There were no rules for girls to follow or sex in the city.

I think it would be nice to go back in time to a place in which you knew you were with someone because you wore his pin.