I went in seeking clarity.

It was a pretty slow night for a Monday at the local tavern. Aside from my friend, Natalie, there was a drunken Englishman and a bunch of strange faces. In order to entertain ourselves, we started talking about songs and what are favorite songs would be. We tasked ourselves with identifying our 5 favorite songs of all time.

Of course, as we were writing, we added stipulations, such as "...these are really the songs that speak to me now, not necessarily my all-time favorite." and "...I love these songs, but there are more that I would add...” And so, we came up with 5 songs that are important to us for whatever reason.

My 5 Songs

With or Without You (U2): Aside from being U2, this song has always been haunting and hopeful to me. It is in my will (a paper that I wrote and gave to my mom, before I had surgery) that it will be played at my funeral.

Romeo and Juliet (Dire Straits): I like the Indigo Girls version of this as well, but there is something matter-of-fact about Dire Straits' version. It tells the story in a "looking back with regret" way.

Joking (Indigo Girls): Most Indigo Girls' songs tell a great story. I love this song for the following lines: "...you said good friends are hard to come by i laughed and bought you a beer 'cause it's too corny to cry..."

Out to Get You (James): I can't explain this song. It is insecurity and a fear of being lonely and the search for you.

Leaving on a Jet Plane (Peter, Paul and Mary): My dad wants to be rolled out of the church to this song. It came out the year my parents met and has always been a part of their life. As a kid, we were forced to go to PP&M concerts every summer at Ravinia. It grows on you.

Pin Me, please

There was this article in the Red Eye today about a guy wanting to go back to 1950s-style dating. He talked about the simplicity of it all. There was no gray area between dating and non-dating. There were no friends with benefits, booty calls, drunk-dials and the term seeing each other referred only to actually having someone in view. There were no rules for girls to follow or sex in the city.

I think it would be nice to go back in time to a place in which you knew you were with someone because you wore his pin.

Random Bits

* People who show up to a kickball field in matching outfits suck. They suck more when they begin to stretch.

* There is nothing harder than waking up on a cold, rainy day and having to get out of bed and go to work.

* No matter how often it happens, a friend prat-falling into a table is always funny. Even if you wind up with a lapful of cocktails.

* Chicago my ass, I am still pissed the Sox won. (Though, I am exicted for my friends who are Sox fans and I am excited that at least one of the teams in the city doesn't stink. I just wish that is wasn't the Sox).

* Traveling with a friend 8-hours anywhere takes a strong friendship. It takes a strong stomach too -- at least if the only thing to eat on the way is cheeseburgers.

* Nothing beats being kissed often by someone who knows how.

Damn, it's on the South Side

Well, it's World Series time and it is coming to Chicago. It's a once in a lifetime experience. (Especially in Chicago). It's good for the economy. It brings pride to the city. It's the damn White Sox. Why did it have to be the White Sox?

People are mad that I am struggling with this. I should cheer for the city. Really? That is the thing that most Sox fans hate about Cubs fans...they think we are not true fans of the game. I think they would respect me for struggling a bit--for not jumping on the bandwagon. It's not that I am cheering against the Sox (well, not entirely), it's just that I am sad. The Red Sox! Now the White Sox! And the lone loser holding up the wall at prom without a date? The Cubs =0( I think if Boston hadn't won in such fine fashion last year and if the Cubs hadn't lost in such heartbreaking fashion in 2003, it would be a different story. It's just a hard pill to swallow.

Will I watch the games? Of course. Will part of me cheer for the White Sox? Sure. I have always liked them--just not with the intensity that I love the Cubs. It's just, you know, why couldn't it have been the Cubs? (Not that I am whining--well, maybe I am a little). I am happy for the city. Just tired of waiting until next year.

To Mark and Deb and all my Sox Fan friends, congrats! May the best team win! Special thanks to Mark for believing that next year really will be the Cubs year! (Logically, if Boston and the White Sox can get there, it must be the Cubs turn!)

Mojo on Aisle 7

When I was 23, one of my best friends passed away suddenly. When Leon died, I wasn't sure I would be able to breathe again, let alone get on with my life. He was the first person that I talked to in the morning, the person I emailed all day long and the last person that I talked to before I went to bed. We talked about everything and nothing. Part of me had a bit of a crush on him, but all of me loved him and the friendship we had. When he died, my heart broke.

As with everything painful, the pain began to subside. Each day, it was a little easier to wake up and go about my life. Except in one area -- dating. For whatever reason, after Leon died, I lost my mojo. I used to joke that he had taken it with him. It seems that soon after, I stopped having confidence in myself and my attractiveness. It's hard to explain, but I lost my confidence.

I have become very cynical about the whole thing. I believe happily ever after. I watch every chick flick and cry at the happy endings. I just wonder how it will ever happen for me. I'm not sure why I'm like this. From what I have been told, I am beautiful. I know that I am smart and kind. Why don't I have more confidence? Whenever I find myself in a situation involving a guy, especially one that I like, it is like I am 6 years old again and on the playground vying for attention. He can tell me that I am beautiful and make overtures to be with me and in the back of my mind, I am waiting for the bottom to drop.

My friends will read this and think that I am crazy. I know that's what I think! Logically, I know that I am a fine catch. It's just there is nothing logical about matters of the heart.