Smart Girls Come with Chips...On Their Shoulders

I endured the lecture the other day from someone who didn't know me, but had me pegged -- at least in his mind. I confess that he was partially right. He said that I was jaded and that I had a thing against guys and that I could be vicious.

All of that is partially true. Really. I admit it. I am a bit jaded and I can be vicious at times. In my defense, it is my self-protect mode. Since I was 16, I was the girl that everyone told would be the good wife. (Of course, that means that no one that age ever wants to date you). I am the friend that everyone calls in the middle of the night. I make soup for you when you are sick. Hold your hair when you throw up (usually, because I am a sympathy-puker, I join in the fun). I am the reliable one. The responsible one. Which means that I am often not pursued at all. Which is frustrating, but mostly it is hurtful.

On a Saturday night, I am often the best damn wingman that you even seen, but other than being the diversion-ation, I am usually the one that makes sure we all get into cabs and get safely home. I have been trying lately to be the irresponsible one. I have stayed out too late. Drank too much. Flirted like a hussy. (Who doesn't love the word hussy?) Talked to guys. Tried to be the carefree, crazy type.

But, it’s not me and it’s not what I want. I like a cocktail with the best of them, but I would rather be on a couch, cuddling someone, with a fire going, a movie on and a dog at my feet. This sounds much better to me than a Jaeger-bomb and a noisy bar.

So, what’s a girl like me to do? I try to meet people, though I am a smidge gun-shy. I talk to people in different settings. Lately, I have tried talking to interesting guys and then allowing myself to be open to the possibility. (a.k.a, I have given my number out). I have gotten nibbles, but no bites. I have friends that can get a million first dates and I can’t seem to get the phone call. I’m pretty proud that I have at least attempted to be open to the possibilities. I acknowledge that I am still jaded with a chip on my shoulder. Really though, I just want someone to notice me and like me for who I am…not who they think I should be.