Random Things from the last few days…

• Thanks to my coworkers for the crazy video they made and the birthday celebration they put together on Friday afternoon. Had I known that it would be indicative of the celebrations to come, I may have tried to get a nap in—maybe eaten a Zone Bar.

• Spent 3-hours in a car with a friend I had lost touch with over the last few years. Aside from the traffic (and a mini-detour), it was a nice road trip—as nice as a trip can be when you are going to be with a friend who’s just lost her father. He sent me a Tom Stoppard quote he thought that I might like. Since he racked his brain a bit and probably exhausted Google, I thought that it at least deserved to be posted here. And so it is…”If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, the history of music would be totally different. As would the history of aviation." -Tom Stoppard

• No matter what the context, a young man in military dress playing taps on a bugle is bittersweet. It is beautiful and touching and heartbreaking all in one moment.

• People who buy old churches, make them their home and then turn the “living room” into an Irish Pub may be going to hell =0) Or, they may be friends of mine who threw a darn fine party over the weekend—complete with a blues band that rocked the church out of its foundation.

• Sunday afternoon proved to lead to an evening of debauchery. Complete with a guest appearance by “bad friends speech” guy; two friends of mine being put into cabs and put into bed before 10 PM; 5 Guinness Lunchboxes (not sure what others had); 2 other people celebrating their August 1st birthday at midnight with me and tons of laughter and fun. It ended with me sleeping through my dad’s 3:30 AM “this is when you were born phone call” and grudgingly answering his 6 AM “think I am being funny by calling my daughter again” phone call. All in all, I had a blast on Sunday.

• Monday morning, birthday breakfast of an Entenmann’s Crumb Donut was a lovely way to start the day. I saved the cards that had come in the mail for me so that I would have something to open…I am still a little kid that way. My mom came into the city and we went to see the Body Worlds exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry. Strange exhibit, but excellent. I absolutely recommend it. Had an ice cream sundae before lunch, which is perfectly justifiable on your birthday. My mom conned the waiter into embarrassing me. I loved the gesture, didn’t like holding a sundae over my head. It turned out to be a perfect day.

• Last night, my friend Natalie bought me balloons, a card with my favorite Maya Angelou quote on it (The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving -- with passion and compassion, and humor and style, and generosity and kindness.) and a beautiful spiral book of Maya’s quotes. Jen met me with a gift card for tea (and coffee—she checked) and a book…people came into the bar and bought me more drinks that I could ever consume in one evening—in fact, I think I have a credit at the bar. I looked around the room and thought that life doesn’t get better than this. I have friends who know me well enough to know my favorite quote and well enough to pick out the perfect present for me. I was really touched. My friends and family really made this weekend wonderful. I just wanted to say thank you to all of them.

• My Mom and Dad are probably the most generous, loving people I know. I am grateful to have them as my parents and wanted to thank them—they not only brought me into this world, but they have been there supporting me ever since.

• T-minus 5 hours and counting until...Neil Diamond!

Storm Troopers on a Monday?

I went to run a few errands yesterday during my lunch hour. After picking up lunch, buying some books and going to the bank, I decided to head back upstairs my office. It was then that I saw him! A Storm Trooper heading my way. Yes, that’s right. In the middle of lunch rush, in the middle of the Merchandise Mart, there was a Storm Trooper. For a brief moment, I teetered between being a 6-year old and being terrified of the guy and being a grown-up and wondering if I was hallucinating.

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to Suffering…

Okay, yes, I am a Star Wars geek. I wanted to be a Jedi Knight when I was a kid. I have seen all the movies and I liked them all (Episodes IV, V and VI were the best), even though I really wish that George Lucas had rethought the whole Jar Jar Binks thing. If you ask my friend Scott, he will tell you that I am a bit obsessed and that I have a shrine to all that is Star Wars. A bit of an exaggeration…however, I will admit, the Storm Trooper peeked my curiosity. I wanted to know where he was headed and where he got the costume.

Nostalgia and other things

In 8 days, I will turn 29. Ouch. When I was 10 and still pretending that I was married to Ryne Sandberg (and that my name was Julie), I thought that 23 was old. In my little kid mind, 23 was the age that I would get married. 24 was when I would have my first kid. I would live in suburbia and raise my family and have the perfect life.

When I turned 23, I was going through a battery of medical tests. It was obvious that I couldn't meet my goals. There were other things going on. Or so that was my excuse.

When I turned 25, I had just moved to the city and I was discovering my singleton-self and enjoying life on my own. Or so that was my excuse.

When I turned 27, I was sad. My mom had me when she was 27 and I was wondering when I was going to catch up and get back on pace. I thought that it would all come together.

Now, I am brinking on 29 and I am still clueless. I look at my life and part of me is thrilled by what I have done and part of me is in a constant state of "wonder ifs."

I wonder if my college boyfriend and I had married. I wonder if I had gone to grad school after I graduated. I wonder if I had seen him for what he was instead of pretending he was nothing more than a transition. I wonder if I didn't let fear rule me. I wonder if I put $20 in my savings account each week. I wonder if I stayed home a bit longer. I wonder if I went to Consumer Economics class and learned how to budget and balance my checkbook. I wonder if it would be different if I had the courage to close the gap and take the risk.

I wonder where I would be. There are very few things in life that I regret. I choose to believe that everything in life is a lesson learned for the future. However, I regret that I lack courage to act on my feelings. I wish that I could just act instead of worrying about the outcome and the ramifications. I wish that I believed in myself a bit more. That I could say, I like you and want to be with you, without thinking that the other person would laugh at me. I wish that I could be as strong as I pretend that I am.

In 8 days, I turn 29. I wonder if I will have the strength to do something about it.

Another Day...and I did Laundry

So, I am a single girl in the city. I always thought that my life would be a pleasant mix of Bridget Jones (I am a bit klutzy and awkward) and Sex in the City (I enjoy a good cocktail and crazy nights on the town). However, after an exciting night of a burger that I “grilled” on my George Foreman, watching reruns with the help of my Tivo and doing laundry, I am beginning to wonder.

Don’t get me wrong. I have great friends and I usually have a ton of fun, but I think I am getting into a rut. It has been a while since I have dated anyone and I am not complaining – I don’t want to be that girl – but I think that I am approaching a crossroad and I am not sure what to do.

My friend, Matt, told me the other day that I am great girl. (P.S. The great girl speech is almost as bad as the friends speech). He told me that I needed to go out and meet people. He told me that the bar is the wrong place (really, because I thought slurring guys in striped shirts was the way to go). He did not tell me where to go though. I mean, really, where does one go to meet people? The bar? The library? The grocery store? Online? At the office? Where? I don’t want to sound like I am desperate and searching, but I am beginning to get curious. As we get older, how do we meet people? I mean, potential dating type people, since I seem to have no problems meeting and making new friends. There are three-minute dates, social clubs for religions, online dating services…all of those seem unnatural to me. But, what are the other options? I am sure that people are meeting and dating, given the number of weddings that I have attended in the last few years. I just don’t get the meeting part.

I don’t know. This is obviously not something that I am going to solve in one night…given that I have not solved it in 29 years.

On a random side note, congratulations to my friend, Tara, on her new job. Thankfully, she got it, even though she listed me as a reference. Also, I have posted the link to my friend Jen’s blog—Discombobulation Station. It is a great blog, as she is a great and witty writer. I hope that the three people that may be reading this go to her page check it out.

Swallowed the Jagged Little Pill

10 years ago, Jagged Little Pill was the CD that every girl owned. We embraced the "You Can't Do That On Television" alum as our voice. She wrote the words that we didn't have the courage to say and sang with the anger that we all felt at times. I was a sophomore in college and had just broken up with my first love. Alanis was my venting CD. I confess to playing the song with the extra lyrics about dancing in the shower a few too many times.

Flash forward 10 years... Since Alanis first found things ironic, a lot has happened in my life. I graduated college and began a career in the dreaded Corporate America. I moved to the big city with roommates and then into my own place. I owned my first car. I lost one of my best friends, Leon, a year after I graduated. My first love married. (That was harder than I would ever like to admit). Friends have come into my life and moved away.

I sit and think of all that has changed around me and I wonder why I still feel the same. I still feel like an insecure little kid; I still look at people and wish that I could get myself put together better; I still wonder what I am going to be when I grow up.

10 years older and I am revisiting the Jagged Little Pill of my younger years. Alanis has done the same thing. The lyrics are the same, but there is a serenity to the songs. They are beautiful and haunting. 10 years has changed us both and yet sometimes I think I am exactly the same. Only older and viewing life through slightly wiser eyes.