A Blessing and A Curse

So it’s official – I am no longer a car owner. My car (a.k.a submarine) was a total loss. Part of me is grateful – no more car payments; no more moving my car based on night games, street cleanings and school days; no more overpriced gasoline. Part of me is sad – no more picking up and heading home for no reason; no more jumping in my car to visit my sister; no more jumping in my car, plugging in my ipod and driving just to clear my head.

The city girl in me is able to go anywhere – via bus, L or cab. The suburban girl misses transportation that doesn’t involve waiting for signals.

I think I am mostly sad because that car was supposed to be my ticket to adulthood. When I bought my first car (leased) at 21, I got a Pontiac Sunfire. It didn’t have power anything except for the sunroof and it was a low-budget, reliable car. The day I picked out the car, the salesman told me that this could be my starter car. (I had only been out of school for 3 weeks or so). He told me that when my lease was up, I could move up to a Grand Prix or Grand Am.

Well, he was one hell of a salesman, because when my lease was up, I moved up to the Grand Am. I think I believed that the more grown up car meant that I was more grown up. Well, those that know me, know that the car found its way into a lot of disasters...and in the same breath, I don't feel much more grown up than I did 5 years ago.

I guess there is really nothing I can do about the car situation -- it has probably already been stripped for parts and such. I suppose I will just have to work on being a grown up...

Click for Cans

Okay Bears fans, time to unite behind a good cause. Click for cans! The NFL team with the most clicks gets a donation made to local food banks. Right now Green Bay is kicking everyone's a$$. Time for a 4th quarter comeback! (Again)

GO TO THE LINK BELOW AND VOTE FOR THE BEARS.

http://www.chunky.com/clickforcans.aspx

Orange You Glad The Bears Won?!

So last night, out of their a$$es, the Chicago Bears pulled out a victory. It had nothing to do with the offense and for a long time it had nothing to do with the defense either. I’m pretty sure that they won that game because N. and I willed it to be true. (And maybe because of Brian Urlacher). However, no two people could have rooted harder, cheered louder or done more for a victory.

We drank orange and blue shot concoctions (not good at all and the first batch ended up green). We traded shirts. (I have always worn orange during the games, I now know better than to ever wear navy). We drank ‘orange and blue’ beers – a.k.a. Octoberfest and Blue Moon – a.k.a not so good. We ate orange slices. We sent her mom home (she had never watched games with us before). We almost made a couple leave the bar (they had never watched the games together). We sat down. We stood up. We switched seats. We drank our beers with orange juice – well I had to – I was still trying to make up for not wearing orange earlier in the game. We drank our beers in thirds – every time there was a key moment. We screamed so much we nearly lost our voices. We sang Bear Down after every score. We sent inappropriate text messages. We lured downtrodden Bears fans walking past the bar into the bar to join the rally. N. shouted “Wide Left” at the TV when Rackers was attempting the field goal.

And they won! Those damn, crazy, lucky as hell Bears won. And I am exhausted. Although, I was not so exhausted to stay out way past my bedtime, still drinking orange and blue beer, singing Bear Down, Sweet Home Chicago and the Superbowl Shuffle. Yeah, we shuffled. I am pretty sure that we shuffled about a dozen times. It became funny when we assigned parts (I was the punky QB). I loved that throughout the game it was N., me and two couples at the bar. Fifteen minutes after victory, our friends all filed in – with the same exhaustion and exuberance in the eyes. And then the party really started.

It was probably the most stressful and most fun game I have watched in a long time. And I am grateful for the bye – I need to recover. And just so everyone is ready for the for the October 29th game against the 49ers…

Bear Down
Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
Make every play clear the way to victory!
Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly!

We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation,
With your T formation.

Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
And let them know why you're wearing the crown.

You're the pride and joy,
of all Illinois.

Chicago Bears, Bear Down!

You Can't Hide Behind Social Graces

Ani Difranco writes about taking things As Is. It has always been an anthem for me about taking things in stride and finding the good in the situation. I liked that she said, "just give up and admit you're an a$$hole...you would be in some good company."

I always thought that it meant be who you are, flaws and all, and everything will be okay. Of course, then I 'dated' (or whatever the hell the last 9 months of my life were) someone who really was an a$$hole. Though, I thought so much more of him, which is what really sucks the most.

I quit that mess of a relationship cold turkey (though some thought that I wouldn't) and am now back at square one. Once again in the dating pool sorting out the craziness that is being a single girl.

I think the hardest thing is trying to find the truth in all the BS. It’s finding the person who is who they say they are and being the person that you say you are…

It is being and accepting someone as is.

I like the Green Ones Best!

To all those who that I was crazy for the M & M question, that's probably not a stretch. However, that crazy question has brought about some heated (well, not really heated, funny might be a better word) debates about method and madness. Some of my favorites:

Nicole: I bite Peanut M & Ms in half and then eat half the chocolate and then the other half - saving the peanut for last.

Mary: I eat the brown ones first, then the colored ones- the green ones last. I normally bite each m&m in 1/2 in my mouth. Sounds strange, but this way it doubles your portion. But if the m&ms are in a treat bag...I just eat them one at a time- hard to separate colors on the go eating from a bag.

Matty: I just take as many as I can possibly fit into my hand and shove as many in my mouth as possible. Don't really care what color they are. Peanut M & M's are much better though!

Natalie: I arrange them by color and then eat the color I have fewest of first. If I am tied for any number, I eat the color I dislike the most first then I move on ... funny thing though, this only applies to the plain m&m's ... peanut m&m's I eat like Matty does :)

It's strange how we all seem to have a certain way. Of course, when I was younger, it was totally different. I used to eat the tan browns first, because they were the ugliest. Then the dark browns. Then the yellows. Then the reds. I would always save greens for last -- think it had something to do with a baseball metaphor.

One Word

A friend posted this to his blog and it was interesting to me. A quiz that you can only respond to with one word. It made me think about all the times that I fill in extra in order to make people know who I am and what I am about. One word. It's a challenge.

1. Yourself: Dea

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: None

3. Your hair? Long

4. Your mother? Wonderful

5. Your Father: Loyal

6. Your Favorite Item: Nicodemus

7. Your dream last night: Intriguing

8. Your Favorite drink: Bailey’s

9. Your Dream Car: Beetle

10. The Room You Are In: Office

11. Your Ex: Matt

12. Your fear: Loneliness

13. What you want to be in 10 years: Sated

14. Who you hung out with last night? TV

15. What You're Not? Brave

17. One of Your Wish List Items: U2

19. The Last Thing You Did? Commuted

20. What You Are Wearing: Pants

21. Your Favorite Weather: Snow

22. Your Favorite Book: Serendipity

23. The Last Thing You Ate: Dinner

24. Your Life: Complex

25. Your Mood: Searching

26. Your body: Curvy

27. What are you thinking about right now: Tomorrow

28. Your car: Wet

29. What are you doing at the moment? Working

30. Your summer: Fun

Let us confidently hope that all will yet be well

I like the idea of posting about what I am reading. Those that know me well know that I tend to get wrapped up in a topic. For a long time it was British History (although the 1000 page Henry VII book was nearly my undoing) and now it is the Civil War - well, more specifically, Abraham Lincoln.

I read Manuhunt by James L. Swanson (contrary to popular belief, not about dating) and that triggered this new obsession. If you get a chance, read it, it is an extraordinary tale of the assassination of Abraham Lincoln and the hunt for John Wilkes Booth.

Anyway, this sparked my interest and I have moved on to Team of Rivals. Well, that and a trip to the Underground Railroad museum and the PBS documentary on Abraham and Mary (thank you, Netflix). Did I mention that I met Abraham Lincoln this weekend? Not literally, I am not that crazy, but there was an actor playing him at the Tall Stacks festival. He recited the speech Lincoln gave when he left Springfield for Washington DC. It was amazing. Thanks to my sister's boyfriend's insistence, I now have a nice picture of me and Abe.

So, that's the subject obsession for the day. Highly recommend.

But the truth is not the same without the lies he made up

I'm not sure how I feel about this myspace thing. I created a profile a year ago, because a friend invited me to it. I let it stay dormant for the better part of the year.

Then I had some friends I hadn't talked to in 10 years find me and that was great. What an interesting place this myspace is...a place that lets you connect with people you might have lost. It seemed like a great invention.

Then again, someone posted a mock Laurie Dann profile on myspace. It may have gone unnoticed to many, but I lived through that nightmare - it was a bit too close to home. The school she attacked was 2 blocks from mine and I knew one of the victims. That event changed schools forever. A year later buzzers were installed and doors were locked. School was no longer the safe haven that it had seemed to be.

Why someone thought it was a good idea to post her profile, I will never understand. It has since been removed by the myspace people, but it makes me wonder. It makes me wonder about this space. This space where people create a profile and write their thoughts and ideas. Who are the people behind the profiles? Are they who they really present themselves to be?

Is the interesting guy with a profile like yours really a guy? Is he single or is he being deceiving? It is a hard thing to tell on the internet. I have always been one to believe in the goodness of people, but this place makes me a bit of a skeptic. I like to look into someone's eyes and see the honesty. You can't do that in a staged photo with a blinking online symbol. So for now, I will wait and see. See what this myspace has to offer.

On the one hand, it has let me link up with friends around the country. On the other hand, it is not the same as sitting across from someone and having a conversation.

How Do You Eat M & M's?

This weekend was a mini-family trek to see my sister. I left a day and a half early, so that Debs and I could do some fun sister bonding. My parents joined us on Friday. I love my family. They are absolutely insane in the best ways.

This weekend, my mom asked me how I eat my M & M’s. Sounds like a strange question to start – made stranger by my reply, “Am I sitting at my desk or am I just eating them?” Odd, I know. But, I make my M & M’s into a colored pyramid, if I am sitting down. I eat the oddball ones (those that didn’t make the pyramid) first and then eat the pyramid, a diagonal row at a time. I have no idea when or why I started doing this.

I felt better when my mom asked my sister the same question later in the day. Debs replied, “Am I eating them from a candy bowl or the bag?” This confirmed for me that she is truly my sister. It seems that my sister eats M & M’s by first eating the colors she does not like.

As for my mom, she eats her M & M’s in coordinating colors – i.e. Blue and Green for Marillac (my high school alma mater), Red and Green (obvious Christmas reference), Blue and Yellow (Notre Dame) and so on and so forth.

It was at this point that my Dad interjected with the extremely logical, very linear-minded, “They all taste the same” comment. I am now wondering if we are the milkman’s kids. Kidding aside, I wonder. Are we the weird ones? (Actually, I don’t wonder that, I know we are a bit). But, is this a male / female thing? Something weirdly unique to my family? Do other people have a system for eating M & M’s? I’m a bit curious now.

So I post the question to all (well, really to Jen and my sis, since I think they are the only ones that read this), “How do you eat your M & M’s?”