Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Two Netflix Enter a Mailbox...
Strange phenomenon of recent weeks... Every time I send back two Netflix movies at the same time, date, moment and mail slot, one gets there first and the other "arrives" the next day. How is it in the finely honed mailing system that is Netflix does this happen? Why does my conspiracy antenna go up and I feel like they hold on to one for an extra day? It has happened 3 times in the last 3 weeks. I wonder if this happens to anyone else? Keep you posted.
Confidential to J
Thank you for being the friend that says things that I know, but don't always want to hear. You are immensely frustrating and wonderful simultaneously and I adore you for that. We do not always see eye-to-eye and lord knows, we can battle, but you are a straight-shooter and a good support and I appreciate it. Yes, I know what you say to be true. I even figured it out myself, but sometimes I really wish that were not the case. And that, my friend, is my Achilles Heal. That being said, I am glad to know and have you in my life. Even if you make me tear up every now and again. So, cheers to you. You one of the good ones. See you for cocktails soon.
The Gambler
"You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run...Kenny Rogers"
Why did it take me a decade of dating to figure out that this had absolutely everything to do with my dating life? (Actually, it has everything to do with dating in general). So many of my past relationships involved seeing the good in something or someone -- even when, at times, it was not there. There have been some extremely wonderful relationships that have taught me a lot about love and about myself and then there have been those that were such a mess. Those relationships where I thought another coin in the slot would hit the jackpot and instead, I ended up broke.
My New Decade Resolution is to know when to hold 'em. I promise to know a good thing when I see it and to not be afraid to try. Know when to fold 'em. I promise to stop trying to hold onto something that is the dating equivalent of a 7 & 8 in the hole. I will stop thinking that the river will turn up a better card, because 9 times out of 10, the river is going to screw you. Know when to walk away. I promise to recognize when it is time to throw in the towel and let something go. To stop trying to make a bad situation better. To stop trying to fix things all the time. To stop losing myself and fading into a facade in the interest of keeping something alive that has been in code blue for way too long. And, when all else fails, to know when to run. As fast as I can. In the other direction. With an umbrella - if necessary.
Now, I don't kid myself. There is a decade of hurt that holds up this epiphany and one moment of clarity is not going to make it all better. However, I am going to try and make better decisions. Be more open. Put myself out there. Be less intimidating and (yes, j, I admit that I can be) cynical. Because I am the girl that believes in the glass slipper, the horse drawn carriage, the prince and true love. I just need to believe in myself now.
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run...Kenny Rogers"
Why did it take me a decade of dating to figure out that this had absolutely everything to do with my dating life? (Actually, it has everything to do with dating in general). So many of my past relationships involved seeing the good in something or someone -- even when, at times, it was not there. There have been some extremely wonderful relationships that have taught me a lot about love and about myself and then there have been those that were such a mess. Those relationships where I thought another coin in the slot would hit the jackpot and instead, I ended up broke.
My New Decade Resolution is to know when to hold 'em. I promise to know a good thing when I see it and to not be afraid to try. Know when to fold 'em. I promise to stop trying to hold onto something that is the dating equivalent of a 7 & 8 in the hole. I will stop thinking that the river will turn up a better card, because 9 times out of 10, the river is going to screw you. Know when to walk away. I promise to recognize when it is time to throw in the towel and let something go. To stop trying to make a bad situation better. To stop trying to fix things all the time. To stop losing myself and fading into a facade in the interest of keeping something alive that has been in code blue for way too long. And, when all else fails, to know when to run. As fast as I can. In the other direction. With an umbrella - if necessary.
Now, I don't kid myself. There is a decade of hurt that holds up this epiphany and one moment of clarity is not going to make it all better. However, I am going to try and make better decisions. Be more open. Put myself out there. Be less intimidating and (yes, j, I admit that I can be) cynical. Because I am the girl that believes in the glass slipper, the horse drawn carriage, the prince and true love. I just need to believe in myself now.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Four Funerals and a Wedding
Unlike most, I have been to a lot of funerals. I buried 2 grandparents by the time I was 6. (1 died before I was born). I am the best when it comes to tragedy. I put on my game face, plan if I need to, offer support and silently cry to myself. I am a pillar. I say all this, because I am planning to attend another wake today.
Tif was probably my best friend in college. She was the person that I could always turn to and vice versa. We had all the cliché things - fun road trips (involving a Days of Our Lives Fan Fest in Salem, IL), crazy parties (there was one in particular that my boyfriend, Matt, was not too thrilled with), random drinking nights (involving rain and mud) and quiet all night movie moments. She got married right out of school and had her first child within a year. Now we are 8 years after graduation, she has 3 kids and lives in the suburbs and I probably haven't seen her in 2 years. Which is ridiculous.
Today, I am going to her dad's funeral and it is sad. Sad that I am at the age that my friends' parents are dying, because I certainly don’t feel that old and neither does my mom (and dad). Sad that it took a funeral to put us back in touch with one another. It reminds me of Mary - another college friend that I had lost touch with over the years. She and I reconnected at our friend Leon's funeral and while his death still hurts my heart, finding Mary again was the light in all the sadness. Why is it that death reminds us what's truly important in life? Why do we wait that long?
Tif was probably my best friend in college. She was the person that I could always turn to and vice versa. We had all the cliché things - fun road trips (involving a Days of Our Lives Fan Fest in Salem, IL), crazy parties (there was one in particular that my boyfriend, Matt, was not too thrilled with), random drinking nights (involving rain and mud) and quiet all night movie moments. She got married right out of school and had her first child within a year. Now we are 8 years after graduation, she has 3 kids and lives in the suburbs and I probably haven't seen her in 2 years. Which is ridiculous.
Today, I am going to her dad's funeral and it is sad. Sad that I am at the age that my friends' parents are dying, because I certainly don’t feel that old and neither does my mom (and dad). Sad that it took a funeral to put us back in touch with one another. It reminds me of Mary - another college friend that I had lost touch with over the years. She and I reconnected at our friend Leon's funeral and while his death still hurts my heart, finding Mary again was the light in all the sadness. Why is it that death reminds us what's truly important in life? Why do we wait that long?
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Ozzie and Mariott(i)
Anyone who knows me, knows I am a Cubs fan 'til the end. Not a Sox fan at all. Am torn as to whom to cheer for this week, as the Sox play the Cards. The night the Sox won the World Series, I watched the game, did a shot (not in celebration, but in frustration) and went to bed. Chicago fan I am not.
Knowing this, as much as I am not a Sox fan, I am even less a Mariotti fan. I think that he is a sniveling, snide, whiny, ignoramus, blow-hard, who enjoys the sound of his voice way too much and who likes to stir up controversy everywhere. I hate that he is associated with Chicago. I hated his radio show on ESPN 1000 and I hate his column even more. I will always get my sports knowledge from other sources. I never hear or see a story and wonder what Mariotti wrote. I care that little about him.
That being said, not once did I use a derogatory word to describe my loathing of him. It wasn't necessary. There are so many colorful and wonderful words to describe the cowering, little nothing of a man known as Mariotti. Ozzie was wrong to say what he did. He should apologize. He should make a donation to a gay rights organization and tape a public service announcement regarding the importance of understanding and the ignorance of negative stereotyping. He should probably sit out a game or two. If he worked in corporate America, his statement would've led to termination or at least a written warning. Strangely enough, in that setting, probably only a few people would have heard the negative remark and not the millions that have heard it and discussed it the last few days.
I hope that Ozzie learns that he should think before he speaks. I hope that he learns that his words can positively or negatively impact so many. I hope that he turns this into a positive and fast, because it is the right thing to do and because it will make Mariotti go back to cowering in his corner looking for another situation to stir up.
Knowing this, as much as I am not a Sox fan, I am even less a Mariotti fan. I think that he is a sniveling, snide, whiny, ignoramus, blow-hard, who enjoys the sound of his voice way too much and who likes to stir up controversy everywhere. I hate that he is associated with Chicago. I hated his radio show on ESPN 1000 and I hate his column even more. I will always get my sports knowledge from other sources. I never hear or see a story and wonder what Mariotti wrote. I care that little about him.
That being said, not once did I use a derogatory word to describe my loathing of him. It wasn't necessary. There are so many colorful and wonderful words to describe the cowering, little nothing of a man known as Mariotti. Ozzie was wrong to say what he did. He should apologize. He should make a donation to a gay rights organization and tape a public service announcement regarding the importance of understanding and the ignorance of negative stereotyping. He should probably sit out a game or two. If he worked in corporate America, his statement would've led to termination or at least a written warning. Strangely enough, in that setting, probably only a few people would have heard the negative remark and not the millions that have heard it and discussed it the last few days.
I hope that Ozzie learns that he should think before he speaks. I hope that he learns that his words can positively or negatively impact so many. I hope that he turns this into a positive and fast, because it is the right thing to do and because it will make Mariotti go back to cowering in his corner looking for another situation to stir up.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Stop Pulling My Pigtail
2006 has been abundant with guy drama for me. It started on New Year's Eve and has gotten progressively worse. My problem is that I see the good in a guy, even if they are not always good. (That has been my flaw since freshman year of college). I think that the past 6 months of misadventures might been a season's worth of Sex in the City. (Minus all the randy behavior).
I keep finding myself in situations in which I like a guy and then the quiet shy girl in me from grade school rears her ugly head. And my friends all read this and are wondering how in the hell I am quiet and shy, but when it comes to guys, I am. And when I am shy (and especially when I like someone), I get nervous and with nervous comes the false bravado that is intimidating and off-putting. It is my defense mechanism and it sucks sometimes. I end up watching the guy like someone else, because I was scary girl.
And before Tom reads this and yells at me for being all mopey, let me say this: I am in the Summer of the Year I turn 30 and I like my life. I am happy and content with my job and friends. I love my family. I am blessed with good health and I have a lot going for me. But, to wax Little Mermaid, I want more.
I want to like a guy that sees me and not my friend. (And better yet, sees me as more than a friend, since I get stuck in that category a lot). I want him to recognize that I am smart, kind, witty, stubborn, lovable, loving, compassionate, funny, serious, joyful, sad, honest, a sports addict, a movie lover, a good cook, a good friend and a good partner. I want him to see me as the piece that completes him. I want the courage to approach him and not be scared.
I am tired of the bs and the games. I am done with coy. I know that everyone that has someone says that when you find it, it all falls into place. There are no rules regarding days until you call someone. There isn't a specific first date protocol. There is no worry if he is really into you. It all comes together. The two become a whole. I believe that. I really do. Everyone thinks that I am jaded, but really I am quite the opposite. I really believe that I will find that person that (sorry for the second Jerry McGuire moment in as many paragraphs) completes me. I just wish I knew when. I really just wish it were sooner rather than later.
See, the thing is, while I like my independence, I wish that I had someone to depend on...other than my family and friends. Yesterday, when my car was dead, I had to think of how to get it started and to the mechanic. Two weeks ago, when I saw the mouse, I had to buy and set the traps. And no, I don't want a guy to do all the dirty work, but it would be nice to feel like I had someone to count on in that way. Someone who would problem solve for me every now and again. Someone who would say: "Don't stress D, I know you can handle it, but for once, let me help you. I'll take care of it." Someone who makes a really bad situation better and not worse. I guess, I really am just looking for someone who wants to be with me, flaws and all, and really wants to be there.
I keep finding myself in situations in which I like a guy and then the quiet shy girl in me from grade school rears her ugly head. And my friends all read this and are wondering how in the hell I am quiet and shy, but when it comes to guys, I am. And when I am shy (and especially when I like someone), I get nervous and with nervous comes the false bravado that is intimidating and off-putting. It is my defense mechanism and it sucks sometimes. I end up watching the guy like someone else, because I was scary girl.
And before Tom reads this and yells at me for being all mopey, let me say this: I am in the Summer of the Year I turn 30 and I like my life. I am happy and content with my job and friends. I love my family. I am blessed with good health and I have a lot going for me. But, to wax Little Mermaid, I want more.
I want to like a guy that sees me and not my friend. (And better yet, sees me as more than a friend, since I get stuck in that category a lot). I want him to recognize that I am smart, kind, witty, stubborn, lovable, loving, compassionate, funny, serious, joyful, sad, honest, a sports addict, a movie lover, a good cook, a good friend and a good partner. I want him to see me as the piece that completes him. I want the courage to approach him and not be scared.
I am tired of the bs and the games. I am done with coy. I know that everyone that has someone says that when you find it, it all falls into place. There are no rules regarding days until you call someone. There isn't a specific first date protocol. There is no worry if he is really into you. It all comes together. The two become a whole. I believe that. I really do. Everyone thinks that I am jaded, but really I am quite the opposite. I really believe that I will find that person that (sorry for the second Jerry McGuire moment in as many paragraphs) completes me. I just wish I knew when. I really just wish it were sooner rather than later.
See, the thing is, while I like my independence, I wish that I had someone to depend on...other than my family and friends. Yesterday, when my car was dead, I had to think of how to get it started and to the mechanic. Two weeks ago, when I saw the mouse, I had to buy and set the traps. And no, I don't want a guy to do all the dirty work, but it would be nice to feel like I had someone to count on in that way. Someone who would problem solve for me every now and again. Someone who would say: "Don't stress D, I know you can handle it, but for once, let me help you. I'll take care of it." Someone who makes a really bad situation better and not worse. I guess, I really am just looking for someone who wants to be with me, flaws and all, and really wants to be there.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
1988
At the Walgreens today I saw a sign for cigarettes. You have to be born in 1988 or earlier to purchase them. Really? 1988. Was fine with turning 30, but now those born in 1988 are turning 18. Goodness. I remember 1988.
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